Humanity & Humility

Humans are animals before we are anything else.

Animals, when you get down to relatively simple single-celled life, act kind of like little computer programs (though perhaps it is more accurate to say that programs mimic simple animal life). They have sensory inputs to observe and interact with the world. They have simple commands they need to execute, but it really just boils down to two main points: sustain one’s own life & produce more life. Animals use their environmental observations to guide them toward those goals. Sometimes that will mean competing for food (fighting), or staying safe from the elements (shelter), in order that they may live long enough to reproduce.

Some animals have access to more complicated forms of sensory input and processing, and there are all kinds of different expressions of this.

Humans have had a very long time to develop into what we are – and we have, as a species, been in the right places at the right times in order to grow into extremely complex creatures – but we’re still in the same boat: Eat. Procreate.

By that logic, humans are essentially very complex programmed machines.

We like to think of ourselves as being different from or more than just animals. Some people even believe in a religion that tells them that they’re special. And while we have proven ourselves to be very impressive in our endeavours, that still does not release us from our animal existence.

Sometimes, when I’m being philosophical, I like to remind myself that we are a piece of the universe that has manifested and is now observing itself. This feels to me to be one of the more realistic and fun interpretations of existence.

As animals existing in a physical world, we are limited by our bodies, and in the same way, inside our bodies, we are limited by our minds. We like to think of the mind as being separate from the body – that it’s this whole other separate entity – but it’s not. Within our minds are the electrical impulses that make up who we are.

I like to refer to these limits as one’s box.

And yes, I am absolutely using the term "box" intentionally here.
A circle might be a better analogy, but box is much funnier (and I love me a good pun and/or double-entendre).

And we’re all limited by our boxes.

I would love to climb trees like a squirrel, or meditate in mid-air; just go criss-cross applesauce and float. But I am not and will never be capable of either. 

But simply wanting to do a thing isn’t a good example, because, well, no human is capable of those things.

There is only so much a human can do. That is, in the realm of possibility of what humans are capable of. People’s bodies are formed differently. All of them. We’re similar – some people are damn near identical – but we are also very different and we are limited by those differences in different ways.

(How many times can I get away with saying "different" in a paragraph?)

There is a very wide range of human capabilities, however, no single human is capable of doing the things that any human could (and only so much one person can do alone).

I will say again, a single person is incapable of doing everything that a human is capable of.

There are people who are capable of gripping a lamp post and holding their body at a parallel to the ground.
I’m not capable of that and I doubt I ever will be. I am incapable of bending my body in contortionist ways. My body is literally not built for that. If I attempted to do it, I would hurt myself. That is something a human is capable of, but I am not.

Thinking of it in school terms, there are people who are super good at maths. It just clicks and they get it. But maybe they’re not so good about history; they’re not good about retaining people, places, and dates. Maybe that stuff is difficult for them to process, or it may not hold enough interest for them to keep focus long enough to improve. There are people who are really good at art, writing, sport, chemistry, physics, programming, economics .. the list goes ever onward. And for each strength, they also have weaknesses.

And again, just as we are limited physically, we are also limited mentally, emotionally, and in the ways in which we process and interact with the world. Simply because other humans are capable of some things does not mean that any human will be capable of the same.

There seems to be this common thought, or maybe I am projecting, that there is this expectation for a person of at least average intelligence to have the same capabilities that the average person, on average, is capable of.

(Now, how many times can I get away with saying "average" ?)

To say it a little differently, there are all these things that people can be good at naturally, and there is, it seems, this expectation that if you have the mental capacity to be good at one thing then you should have the mental capacity to be good at the rest of the things too, which is unrealistic.

/BeginShortAside

I am guilty of disparaging people for having poor spelling or grammar, and it is bad (to some extent) that I have done so. Not everybody considers it important enough to warrant the time to be careful, or maybe their memory works in a way that makes it difficult to remember. The fact that they struggle with it is not an ok reason to make fun of them.

It’s just another part of human existence. Some people will be naturally good at it, and for others it is very difficult. They are not built for it and will struggle every step of the way.

And for someone like me, for whom it is easy, to disparage the people who struggle is kind of cruel.
It’s not cool to make fun of others simply because their brain works differently from yours.

So, though I may notice poor spelling and grammar, I have made efforts to be more forgiving and not make negative remarks about it anymore, including privately to myself. In most cases, it isn't helpful, it's just being mean.
So long as the point is getting across, then it doesn’t quite matter how it is communicated.

(Though I am happy to give constructive feedback to those who ask for it.)

And I make those kinds of mistakes too.

Some of my grammatical choices are just that, decided choices and I’m going against the grain because I don’t like the official way that it’s done, so I do it my own way.  This writing  is for my own sake, so I’m allowed to make those choices (though in some cases it could affect how well my writing may be understood in the way that it is intended)... But the English language is alive, and people use things in very different ways depending on skill level and locality. If there are enough people that start doing something a certain way, then that’s what the correct way eventually becomes.

Also, I said, "it is bad (to some extent)", which is meant to allude to purposeful societal shaming.
Behavioural reinforcement.
You are supposed to compliment the things in other people that you want to reinforce. The other side of the coin is to shame the things that you do not want repeated. This topic is certainly worth its own post to go into depth, but it is worth it to note here, briefly, to pay attention to the things that people compliment and shame you for. These things also often lead to insights about a person’s own anxieties or sensitivities, and things that they value or are insecure about themselves.

/EndShortAside

So. We’re limited by our boxes.

We’re all born with and develop a certain set of skills and ways of thinking; the things that we will be good at naturally. This also includes the things that are instilled into us by the societies and environments in which we are raised.
Those are things inside our box.

The things that hang out around the periphery, just outside of our boxes, are still accessible, but become increasingly difficult the further they get from that boundary.

Outside of that lies the rest of human capability; the things that are impossible for us as individuals. While a human might be capable of that thing, it is impossible for this human.

Because of this, it is unreasonable to expect that any human can adapt themselves to fit some other box that is not their own, (especially when it is not of their own accord).

But some people don’t even realize that those boundaries exist, nor that they do not perfectly overlap those of other individuals – They expect that their box matches everyone else’s. That other people have similar capabilities, thoughts, feelings, values, and perceptions. Their view of the world is truth for them because it is their only experience. And anyone who disagrees is a fool; A pervert; A mutant.

And just as we as individuals are limited by our boxes, our societies are limited by the people they are made up of.

It's easy to fall into the assumption, when a person is entrenched in their box and without deeper reflection, that society works a certain way and that life follows a certain path. They might think that society is a sort of circular, flat plane. That most people are within that circle and the people who are outside are outliers and outlaws – bad people who go against the moral fiber of society.

Society is less like a homogenous circle than it is like pointillism. If you stamp enough dots on a page, they’re going to start looking like a circle with differing densities. There's no defined edge. It’s just kind of dots everywhere. A spherical pointillism cloud hanging out in space. There’s going to be a higher concentration toward the center since most humans are more alike than they differ, but there’s going to be people out in every direction with pockets of people who are more similar than others.

And even that is simplifying things too much because each person is multifaceted and will be similar in some aspects and very different in others.

Getting back to talking about my box... There is the temptation to assume that my box is the best box.  (Haha!)

That my box, my way of thinking, my perception of the world is the right one.

Why? Because it is the only thing I know.

It is what I live, eat, breathe – It is my world, and I am influenced by my perception of the world.

I can only live through my own perception which is defined by my box. And I can’t get out of that. So naturally, I’m going to think that the way that I see the world, and the things I think are beneficial are "good". Naturally I’m going to think that my version is the right one. Because, well, you kind of have to be comfortable with yourself in order to exist, live, and thrive. Life can become extremely difficult if you constantly have to fight against your nature.

Now, I consider myself lucky (one of those things I don’t believe in, so forgive the expression) that I am in the box that I’m in because I believe that those qualities are beneficial to society. But I recognize that because I am perceiving the world from my box, of course I would think that I am right to believe the things that I do and that of course the society that I think is beneficial is the one that I am happy to support and lift up, because that is the society that I would want to live in.

That is the society that would accept my box.

Because my box is my box, I am biased toward a society in which I am accepted as I am, and one in which I am able to contribute back to in a meaningful way. That's the society in which I want to belong. I want that to be true on a grand scale, but that's not quite the truth of human existence.

Other people have different boxes, different mentalities, different opinions of the world and what society they want to live in. And of course those people feel similarly. Those people want a society that functions a certain way so that they are accepted in that society (or for more nefarious-natured individuals, a society in which they can get away with their will without consequences). And my society is very different from some other people’s societies. 

My society is very different from someone who would be considered on the far-right side of the political spectrum in the United States. What is comfortable to me is threatening and dangerous to them. It is not actually threatening and dangerous (in most cases I should hope), but that is how they perceive it, because that is the box they view the world from. They are limited by their bodies and their minds. They are limited in ways that make it hard for them to see through different eyes.

And it is interesting and unfortunate because there are certain things that are irreconcilable. Some of the things that I want, that I think are beneficial, are in direct opposition to the things that they value. And I would argue in some cases, those on the far-right of the spectrum actually are espousing threatening and dangerous ideas because they literally want people like me to stop existing (AKA die).

....

We're all just complicated machines following our programming.

And while that may be the case, that doesn't mean that we cannot change and grow. While we are different in our limitations – and that’s not always a bad thing – there are pressures and influences that can help us expand beyond that programming.

The more we push on the edges of our boxes, the further they can expand, but there will always be hard limits that we cannot move past. Even so, it is always, in my opinion, a worthy endeavour to continue to push and expand where we are able, to grow ourselves as individuals.

It can be difficult for some people to push themselves outside of their comfort zones without external influence. Getting exposure to different people, different lifestyles, different ways of thinking is beneficial to this end. It helps us see outside and even expand our boxes. But the drive for change must come from within. If you aren't doing it for yourself, if you haven't committed to yourself – your health, well-being, and growth – then it will be an uphill battle to make any headway.

The first step, as always, is to recognize the ways in which we are limited. Find out what our hard boundaries are. Determine what natural (or societally instilled) tendencies we have and assess how useful they are to us. Do they do more to help or to hinder us? Is this what we want to be our nature? Who would we want to be if we had the choice?

It's not easy to simply draw these things from the air. It takes constant self-reflection, patience, and compassion. When you recognize that something affects you deeply – deep feelings are your body's way of telling you that something is up and you should pay attention – take it as an opportunity for internal insight, and start asking yourself questions:

What caused me to feel this way? Why am I feeling this way? What is the root of that feeling – where did it originate? Is the influence my own, or have I internalized something from an external source? Is this feeling helpful, or is it hurting me? What can I do to progress myself in a positive direction through this feeling? How can I grow from this?

Getting more familiar with ourselves helps to guide our energy. To know what things are worth the effort and are practical to work on; the amount of energy that we want to expend on different aspects. After that, you can start to prioritize the things you want to change. Pay attention to yourself when you get thrown into similar situations that provoke those feelings, and use those opportunities, when you have the presence of mind, to train yourself toward the kind of person that you want to be.

Some things we may not be able to change as much as we would like. Some of our natural tendencies are hard-coded. But we can still push back on them gently. We may not be able to change our thoughts, but with vigilance and effort we can change how we react to them and what we do with them.

The best that can be hoped for at times is that we can catch ourselves when we get into a negative headspace, and not let it consume us. To stop it in its tracks before it can sweep us away into all the negative consequences that go along with it.

As you get better at catching yourself in these moments, you open yourself up to choice.

Whenever you can, choose growth. Choose acceptance and understanding. Choose to take it in stride along a positive path.

Who would you want to be if you had the choice?
You are already that person. 

To quote Dr Frank-N-Furter:
"Don't dream it; Be it."